18 days and counting

in hawaii, absentee ballots have already been mailed out. but if you’re like me, and prefer voting in person, early walk-in voting begins on tuesday, october 25.

you can check here, http://elections.hawaii.gov/voters/early-voting/early-walk-in-voting-locations/, for locations on your island.

a doctor’s appointment and the day job have prevented me from completing a proper post today, but i have started to write something up on the proposed honolulu charter amendments that will be on the ballot for oahu voters.

it will likely come in two parts over the next few days, but definitely before early walk-in voting starts on tuesday.

have a good weekend!

throwback thursday: a visit from an old friend

facebook, for all its drawbacks and annoyances, is a remarkable tool for reconnecting with old friends.

such is the case with teressa and i.

we’ve been “friends” on facebook for a few years, but were friends and part of a group all the way back in middle school. i don’t think we’ve seen each other since 8th grade.

her husband was sent to hawaii for work and she didn’t hesitate to use it as an opportunity to take a vacation. and i had the good fortune catch up with her and meet her husband and two daughters this past weekend.

i was looking for an old picture to compare with this one, but alas, i couldn’t find one. there may be some in boxes somewhere at my mom’s house in overland park. but it’s more likely that there aren’t any. i don’t think i really started carrying a camera around until high school.

stupid dreams

the last couple of mornings i’ve woken to my alarm groggy and unsettled. the groggy part is pretty standard. though i’ve been at it for a while, the buzz of my 5:30am alarm is never welcome. unsettled, however, is an unusual state for my brain first thing in the morning.

for as long as i can remember, i’ve been a terrible, restless sleeper. i’m not sure why, but that’s just how it’s been for me. as a result, i think it’s always been harder for me to crawl out of bed in the mornings than the average person. i used to think it was a function of my low-grade depression. but though my emotional state has improved over the years, my ability to get a well-rested night of sleep hasn’t.

i’ve contemplated visiting a sleep clinic, if only for the sake of my own curiosity. what might they find?

still, today’s post is about my dreams and how they affect me in the waking hours.

supposedly, everyone dreams. maybe. for myself, what is certain is that i rarely remember the subject or content of my dreams come morning. the ones i do remember tend to be fraught with emotional baggage. lingering frustrations and disappointments in my daily life that most days i’ve managed to push out of my conscious brain.

i hesitate, here, to give too many details. it’s all a bit personal and… a bit embarrassing to me.

while unconscious, i admit these dreams are nice. they’re vivid, warm, lovely dreams…. as i sit typing this now, i’m reminded of how people experienced “the nexus” in star trek generations…. and sometimes i’ll try to get back to sleep in the hope of holding on to those images, feelings a bit longer.

when i do have one of these deeply vivid and emotional dreams, the feelings and images can stay with me for days. sometimes weeks. these dreams put me off balance in a way that makes concentrating during my waking life more difficult. i’m put on edge, frustrated, cranky, distracted.

and so it has been for the last few days. to be reminded by my subconscious of all the things missing in my life is… irksome. as nice as these things are when i’m sleeping, i’d rather not have them at all.

stupid, stupid dreams….

music monday: vienna

i haven’t gotten a lot of feedback on my lip sync music monday format….

here’s another one for today. one of my favorite, and less known i think, billy joel songs.

this one was a bit quicker to make, as i just used the last one as a template.

time to give up on online dating?

its been a busy week. at the office there’s been a notable uptick in workload. and at home, i’m putting the finishing touches on my application for graduate school.

still, i’m trying my best to post as regularly as i can….

i may have mentioned that, in a last-ditch effort to be coupled, i’ve been enrolled in two separate online dating services. i have for some time now, been receiving email notifications of “matches,” dating tips, and the like. some weeks, i pay more attention than others. sometimes all those emails to strait to my email’s trash bin.

but last week, i received one such match notification that made me seriously consider cancelling both subscriptions and settling finally into the reality of perpetual bachelorhood.

brace for the rant….

i’ve questioned from the beginning the “science” of online dating. while both match.com and eharmony claim to be great at matching someone based on some determined set of criteria. i’ve never been able to reconcile their claims with my experience and one match in particular has now convinced me they’re all snake oil salesmen.

are. you. fucking. kidding.

using what criteria can this match have been made for me? have answers to a personality questionnaire suggested i’m a repressed racist? or just a moron? or, maybe neither, but my responses otherwise imply that i’m compatible with a moron? or racist/misogynist? have i been looking for a fascist idiot this whole time and just didn’t know it?

no. i may have my own carry-on bag of crazy, but i have a pretty good idea of the type of women i’m interested in. though kinda cute, there’s no fucking way in hell this “match” could be in the ballpark of close to right for me.

so. now i’ve concluded, finally, there is no science involved. no deep analysis of my likes, dislikes, personality…, whatever. “oh, she likes dogs and romantic comedies too!” “you both work in the same field.”

in no fucking universe that exists could this crazy, moron, racist girl be compatible with me “based on 29 points” as eharmony boasts.

there’s no science, no proven technique behind online match dating. you’re chances are just as good (or not, as the case may be) that you’ll meet someone, maybe a soulmate, randomly in a bar, coffeeshop, etc.

it’s a hoax people! save your money! i’m certainly going to.

throwback thursday: wedding outing 2004

weddings are nice. they’re an excuse to travel. they’re an excuse to drink and celebrate. and, if you’re fortunate enough not to be in the wedding party, they’re an opportunity to gather with friends and relax.

this was the case back in september 2004, when i attended a college friend’s wedding in columbus, ohio. i had moved to hawaii just a couple years prior and it was the first time i’d seen a lot of my college friends since i left oxford.

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a “selfie” of me looking hairless and chubby. at the time i was keeping kosher and wearing kipper at the time.

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my good friend and former roommate, hal. the birdie was a pretty typical pose for him (and for me too, actually).

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me. rudely awakened the morning of the wedding.

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from left to right: erin, melanie, missy, and me. “my girls”. though not evident in the photo, i had a bit of a thing for erin, who i’d see next at hal’s wedding several years later in chicago.

sickness derailed

i had a plan this weekend. i had a to do list. but i was foiled when i woke saturday morning feeling crappy. the feeling lingered most of the weekend, which kept me from being remotely productive.

so, now it’s monday afternoon and though i’m feeling better, i’m not at 100% and still haven’t accomplished much.

that means no music monday video.

instead, i think my statement of purpose is ready for some review and critique. please don’t be shy if you have comments or suggestions.

writing a statement of purpose

no real post today.

i started writing something about online dating, but have put that aside for today.

in a previous post, i mentioned that i’m in the process of completing an application for graduate school. well, i’m struggling to write a strong “statement of purpose” essay. needing to get that finished, i’ve pushed off the intended post for another day.

if you’re interested and/or willing to take a look at my essay to critique, copyedit, etc. please let me know. i’ll likely be reaching out to at least one or two people to assist me.

throwback thursday: 2 from 1993

for this week’s throwback thursday, here are two pictures taken in my hometown of overland park, ks. in september 1993; i was 15.

my mom has been sending me, slowly, stuff from her house that i want to hold on to.  among other things, this has included pictures. so sitting in my apartment in honolulu is a growing pile of photos and negatives. they’ve been either given to me by family, friends or that i have taken over the years.

i used to dabble in photography, though i won’t claim to have been any good….

i’ve been looking through them off and on and contemplating how to most efficiently digitize them. in the short-term, kinko’s is sufficient, though not cost effective. i’ve found a home scanner that is very good for both negatives and photographs. but it’s not inexpensive, so that’s going to have to wait.


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Me, Jeff, Megan, Cara 0993

future dilemma

more than usual, i’ve been giving thought to my where i want to be in five years. hell, in two or three years.

as i’m staring at my 40th birthday rushing headlong toward me, i look around and feel that i haven’t accomplished much. or, at least not as much as i’d like.

so, the struggle in my brain currently is this; do i resign myself to my professional position, abandon thoughts of graduate school in exchange for finding a meager home i can actually afford, or do i risk future (and potentially current) financial stability and try my hand at an exciting graduate program that will likely leave me with a six-figure debt?

a few years back i stumbled across a newly minted online program being offered by george washington university. a great school for politics and government, i inquired for additional information. though the program was exactly the kind of thing i was looking for, i hesitated to apply for two main reasons: i didn’t think i could get in and i hadn’t the foggiest clue how i’d afford it.

now, a little time has passed and i’m in the process of the completing the application for this masters program. feeling increasingly dissatisfied with the arc of my career path, i figure i’ve got nothing to lose by applying (except time and the $75 application fee).

there are parts of my brain that keep telling me the risk is too great. the financial burden i’ll be left with, should i be accepted and then actually graduate, will be a certainty, while the career benefits are implicit at best.

but no risk, no reward. isn’t that what they say?

on the flip side, i have a job that is, at least for the next few years, secure. and while it doesn’t pay a whole lot, its enough that, if i tightened my belt a bit, i could possibly afford a place of my own for the right price. i like that idea; it wouldn’t be big or fancy by any definition, but it would be mind.

of course, if i go the graduate school route, at a minimum i’d be adding years to the time it would take me to get to a place again where i could afford my own home, if ever.

i guess we’ll see what happens with my application to gw. i’m honestly torn between the excitement of the potential opportunities the program could provide (not to mention all the cool stuff i’d learn) and the stress graduate school work and paying for it would create.