10/26/04

20-somethings at chabad? really? who knew? granted, i’ve only been there once, but i got the distinct impression that it was a small group with no one younger than me but children, not to mention the total lack of girls. maybe i judged too quickly. but do i really want to date an orthodox girl? not really. don’t get me wrong, i was happy with jessica, but i didn’t really think of her as an orthodox girl. i still don’t. not really.

so, maybe its worth another shot, huh? i mean, i’d already been thinking that, and i don’t really expect to ‘meet’ anyone there anyway. let’s be honest, though, i don’t really expect to ‘meet’ anyone at all. i’ve more or less given up on the notion of ‘meeting’ someone. don’t get me wrong, i can’t deny the possibility exists, it’s always existed.

my previous notions of fate and destiny were fool hearty, arrogant. the idea was a foolish attempt to make myself feel better about my situation. i don’t think anything can do that except time. in time, i’ll be able to accept the lonely course my life has taken. i can only live each day in the hope that the next will be brighter (such the pathetic poet am i).

it’s a strange thing, though, i always feel confident, positive whenever i finish a session with my shrink. if only i could go everyday. if only i could hold on to that feeling of confidence, maybe i could change the course of my life.

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