in the meantime, though i don’t think i get too many visitors these days, you may notice some small changes as i play with different plugins, fonts, and themes. stay tuned for a possible shift in style.

my time at the legislature was fantastic: a great experience. my office manager and fellow session staffers were very cool and working along side them made the experience all the better. i have little doubt ours was the best office in the whole building! and, of course, rep. morita is just great (check out her blog). one of the best legislators we have and just a good, cool person. there’s no one else there i’d rather work for (should i ever decide to go back for another session).

the session was non-stop. some days were really quite long, but i never minded those days when i was there until well past dark; that’s how you know it was something i really enjoyed. i got to learn about the mechanics of the whole legislative process, the bits most people don’t see or know about, but are nonetheless essential to the process. my experience, while both memorable and educational, also made me realize that i ultimately don’t want to work there permanently. i like being an activist, whether volunteer or otherwise. my time at the capitol helped solidify in my brain what it is i want to do; i want to, somehow, make a living at being an activist…. i’m not sure its realistic, but i’m going to give it a shot.

the state convention was, as always, great fun for me. its my star trek convention, my comicon. three days of nothing but politics? really, what could be better? while it had its drama and problems, it was successful on many levels. i was elected to the state central committee, a long-standing goal of mine, and i even managed to make an enemy…. don’t ask. i haven’t really a clue how it happened.

there are other things keeping my busy and still others that are muddying my ability to focus, but maybe i’ll save those for a future post. check back over the next few weeks….

also, i’m a little less than two weeks away from a trip to see lots of friends and family, including my niece and nephew. i can’t wait!

the last time i saw any of them nearly a year ago, rex was still nameless and yet to be born and isis was much smaller, but still very sharp. i’ve only spent time with isis a few times since she was born and i always worry she won’t remember me. that didn’t seem to be the case the other night.

technology allowed me to join all of them for breakfast and to witness first hand the… insanity that they experience every day. it was pretty great. rex is huge, well mannered and, according to my sister, quite cuddly. isis, on the other hand, is also adorable, like a tiny little person, and has a mind of her own. apparently she’s taken to bossing kids (and adults) around and possessive. i find it all very entertaining and quite cute, though i imagine i’d feel differently if i had to deal with it day in and day out. this is one of the reasons i love being an uncle.

anyway, while waiting for food, i got a chance to see and “chat” with rex, which meant the computer camera couldn’t be centered on isis. this she did not like and insisted that i was NOT rex’s uncle, only HER uncle! i loved that and it made my day.

now with that said, i have some videos of my new nephew, courtesy of my sister:

[bubblecast id=291129 thumbnail=475x375 player=480x360]

[bubblecast id=291130 thumbnail=475x375 player=480x360]

[bubblecast id=291131 thumbnail=475x375 player=480x360]

part of the problem is i don’t want to write what i’m really thinking. a lot of it is just the same old shit and i’m trying to keep from airing the same doubts, the same frustrations, the same loneliness. i told myself a while back that i had to choose what my life would be about: my work or a relationship. at the time, i didn’t think i could practically focus on both as one seemed to be unrealistic. i chose work.

since then, i will admit i’ve done a good job focusing, mostly, on politics and trying to do that stuff well. when meet a nice, attractive woman i don’t get nervous and i don’t get fidgety, because i almost instantly discount the possibility that they might be interested. i’ve successfully trained my brain to accept the infinitesimally small chance of any success that i don’t even worry about it. now, i say ‘mostly’ done a good job focusing, because if i had been completely successful in choosing one over the other, the post now in progress would be about something else entirely, probably politics, and the tools i use as a distraction for my brain, television, video games, wouldn’t be necessary.

i still have a twinge to be coupled, to be lucky and happily in love like so many of my friends. its a twinge i’ve yet to shake completely. and for reasons that aren’t clear to me, that twinge has been more persistent lately, like the annoying child, poking me in the back of the head. the poking keeps me up at night (not that i’ve ever slept well), keeps me from focusing on any number of projects that need my attention.

so, even though i started by saying i didn’t want to repeat the same old complaint, it seems my fingers had other ideas and have betrayed me. as such, i will immediately remove them and learn to type with my toes…. maybe they’ll be more cooperative.

you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.

i began writing an email response to him, but part way through decided it is appropriate to share that response with everyone. below is his comments, followed by my response. its an important issue and maybe this post can spark a conversation with others, so here it is….

It probably takes a lot of gall to disagree with a genius but I simply don’t agree with Mr. Einstein.

I may be a conservative (God forbid!) at heart.

But I believe that frequently, the best defense against an attack (or even being diplomatically intimidated) is a strong defense. The U.S. was very unprepared for war in December 1941. Many historians say if we had been better prepared, the war would have been over in about a year. And millions of people who died at the hands of the Nazis would have been saved.

i have to disagree. i agree that ‘the best offense is a strong defense’ is the common and current opinion held by most people and governments, but i can’t help but find the logic flawed. the point of weapons, it seems to me, is to use them. a person or government that stockpiles weapons will eventually be compelled to use them.

the U.S. spends more on ‘defense’ than the rest of the world combined. can you honestly tell me that’s solely for the sake of deterrence? in the last 20 years, have we gone to war with a single foe that was remotely close to being evenly matched to the power and sophistication of our military? i don’t think so. and since WWII, the only ‘wars’ we’ve fought have been either for territory, political or economic control, or rhetoric.

i don’t know much about the korean war, other than i understand it was a response to ‘aggression’ by communists. the vietnam war was, as i understand it, actually started by the U.S. and of the rhetoric variety (to stop the advance of the evil communists!), and used as a cover for an illegal war in cambodia.

regarding your comment that we were ‘unprepared’ for WWII, i would agree, but that was because america didn’t want to enter the war. from what i remember (i think i read it in howard zinn’s history book), the U.S was aware of the possibility of a japanese attack in the pacific, but did little to prevent it. the government wanted to intervene in the war, but didn’t have the population on their side; of course the population changed their minds after the attack on pearl harbor.

what’s more, the decision to use atomic weapons on japan wasn’t so much to prevent a high U.S. troop death toll as it was to display absolute U.S. dominance. i’m not sure how this works into the previously stated theory about a good defense.

finally, while i will agree that today there is the persistent threat from ‘terrorists,’ i think it is foolish to believe we can beat them by sheer brute force, nor has our enormous and advanced military offered much in the way of a deterrent against them. in this case, i would equate our battle against ‘terrorism’ as a guerilla war, which we cannot win with larger numbers and more firepower; it didn’t work out for us in vietnam. and while the government and media tells us the ‘terrorists’ hate us because of our freedom and our way of life, i simply don’t believe it to be true. the U.S. has a long history of militaristic and economic imperialism and it is this policy to which the ‘terrorists’ are now responding.

i will admit there are certainly some who are motivated solely by religious zealotry, but i’d argue that’s not the case for the vast majority of them.

ultimately, this notion of a strong defense only serves to motivate other nations to build larger and more sophisticated militaries of their own, creating an ever-growing stockpile of arms which i believe can only lead to one, inevitable conclusion. given this, i feel it is appropriate to end with yet another quote from einstein:

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

still, i’ve never thought of myself as a ‘talker.’ i’m more inclined to listen to conversation than participate in it, usually because i don’t think i have anything compelling to contribute. put another way, i’ll speak when i have something to say, but not really otherwise. in this way, i think i take after my father, which on some level fills me with a sense of pride. on another level, however, my aversion to make ’small talk,’ or rather my unwillingness to speak if i don’t think its important can be seen, in a certain light, as a hinderance.

…i tried several iterations of language here in an attempt to avoid sharing certain details, but omitting said details leaves the post incomplete and maybe a bit muddled. sigh….

last week, i went to see a girl i saw regularly while i was working at party headquarters. she’s working on the campaign of one of the candidates i support and so i went to say hi, catch up a bit, and get some information. during the course of the conversation, i got a strange vibe… and toward the end of the conversation, there was an awkward break, or stumbling of the conversation. i exited as gracefully as i could and returned to a campaign meeting taking place in another room.

had i been another person, a better conversationalist, better at the small talk, the stumbling, i believe, could have been avoided. i’ve learned to be comfortable with most of my little foibles and so can’t say this sort of thing keeps me up nights, but it can be, in these sorts of situations, a bit annoying.

and while i’m not surprised by my lapse, the conversational breakdown seemed particularly pronounced at the time and does so still. maybe i’m puzzled by her shared, at least temporarily, conversational awkwardness. read into it what you like….

for the vast majority of my adult and adolescent life, i’ve been single and always such on valentine’s day. it used to be i was jealous of all the lovey-dovey couples wandering around in some sort of annoying delirium. nothing short of sitting in my room, alone, with no television or internet would keep from me the constant reminders of my seeming perpetual bachelorhood.

valentine’s day used to make me so angry. while i was generally a mood person in college anyway, valentine’s day just magnified my anger and depression. i wasn’t really any fun to be around. i used to think i wouldn’t be happy unless i found someone to be with and this holiday served as an irritating reminder that not only was i still single, but that there were no prospects of a remedy.

don’t ask me why or from where i got such a seemingly odd notion of happiness, but there it is….

in college, around valentine’s day, i would joke about visiting the local wal-mart (before i knew they were evil), purchasing a high-powered sniper rifle, then climbing into the campus bell tower and start picking off cute and happy couples. it was a scenario i’d play in my head over and over; it made my friends laugh and me smile. yes, clearly i was a guy with issues, but even at that age i was a pacifist. i just liked the idea.

its been a long time since i thought about it, actually. if you know me,  you know i’ve actually gotten much better. my happiness is no longer predicated on my being in a relationship. in fact, for better or worse, i’ve moved the other direction, actually. it would be nice to find someone, at some point, but right now i’m focused on getting some kind of political career (i haven’t the faintest clue doing what). that’s my priority and i’m not sure i want any more distractions. put another way, i’m not looking, but you never know who may come along.

i still dislike valentine’s day, but now my reasons are different. today i see it as just another in a long line of hallmark, consumerist, capitalist holiday. an reason to buy useless stuff for someone who doesn’t need it; flowers, candy, jewelry, all very superficial ways of showing someone what they mean to you….

i guess even in romance, i’m a communist at heart.

this is a great word, one of those that somehow sound like its meaning. try using it in a sentence:

america is a plutocracy!

if you’re a regular visitor here, you’ll know i’m not one for over confidence, or really any confidence at all, but this job is the first i’ve had in a long time that often has me feeling overwhelmed. as someone who thought he had a pretty good bead on how things work at the legislature, feel like i’m learning to walk all over again. unless you’ve spent countless hours and years at the capitol, or have worked a session job before, there’s really no way for me to describe how it is.

its a non-stop job from the minute i walk into the office until the minute i leave. so far, i’m averaging ten-hour days.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not complaining. sure there are times during any given day when i grumble, get stressed or frustrated, but i honored to have the job and i get a thrill just being there. the walk from the parking garage to the capitol is one of my favorite parts of the day. i can’t help but grin as i approach and think to myself that i’m one of a very few who get to work at the seat of state government (too geeky? maybe…). its a great feeling!

i’ve already learned so much about the mechanics of how bills get introduced and move through the legislature. i mean i knew and understood from a macro sort of perspective, but never gave much thought to all the work behind big picture machinations. (also a bit hard to describe in a blog post.)

i met so many cool and helpful people. i think on some level everyone working there, whether permanently or just for the session, shares at least a bit of my feelings. i don’t think any one there sees it as ‘just a job,’ which is also very cool.

i also feel incredibly lucky to be working for easily one of the coolest, most progressive legislators in the entire building. representative morita is a soft-spoken, but extremely stoic and intelligent woman. she’s at the same time progressive on the issues and practical about what she can accomplish in any given legislative cycle. (check out her blog) we don’t get a chance to talk often, as the office is constantly buzzing with work, but when we do, i always learn something new about energy and the environment (she’s the chair of the energy and environmental protection committee in the house).

i’m not sure what else i can say about it. i’m sure part of me will be glad when the session is over (long hours and meager pay are not fun in themselves), but i’m sure another part of me will feel a bit sad. like when i worked as the registration and credentials chair for the 2008 democratic party of hawaii state convention; it was an insane amount of work, but part of me loved every minute of it and when the convention was finally over, i had a bit of an empty feeling. such a big part of my life was convention for so many months, it was a bit hard to go back to regular life. i expect i’ll have a similar feeling when the legislature adjourns for the last time at the end of april.

in the meantime, i’m going to enjoy the ride and try not to complain too much….

here’s a month-by-month breakdown. maybe not the sexiest way to do it, but maybe the easiest?

January

• the department in which i was working at american savings bank (evil) was sold to another insurance agency (even more evil). many of the people with whom i spent the previous seven, or so, years either retired or were laid off. it was a strange and unsettling transition to deal with and i almost immediately started looking for work elsewhere.
• one of my closest hawaii friends left the islands to pursue a post-doc, returning to his country of origin.

February

• house bill 444, house draft 1 passes out of the hawaii state house. it is a huge victory and step forward in the fight for equality for same sex couples. hb444 would make civil unions legal in hawaii.

March

• finally left the even-more-evil insurance agency, taking a pay cut to go work as the office manager for the democratic party of hawaii. a much, much better job. finally my hobby and career diverged.
• make a new friend that i thought might develop into something more, but alas….
• the civil unions bill is mired in the hawaii state senate. the senate judiciary committee vote splits and the bill stalls in committee. calls start for the bill to be pulled out for a full floor vote.

April

• another close friend leaves the islands to greener pastures in DC, political mecca of the US. sad, sad, sad….
• my application to the university of hawaii law school is rejected, with little surprise on my part. my LSAT score was abysmal.

May

• one of my oldest and best friends ties the knot in chicago. of course, i attend as one of the groomsmen. the actual wedding takes place on the same day as my 31st birthday; their anniversary will definitely be easy to remember. the whole weekend is such a blast and a reunion of sorts with numerous college friends, that i attempt extend my stay in chicago.
• meet a very cool girl, a friend of the bride, during the wedding weekend extravaganza. too bad she’s spoken for… and lives in london.

June

• michael jackson dies. such a tragic loss of a musical icon. he was definitely an odd man, but i personally never believed he ‘diddled’ little children.
• the health care debate heats up in DC. back then, the deadline was august; clearly that didn’t happen….

July

• the oahu county democratic party votes to ‘reprimand‘ one of its members, a state senator and former republican, on his active opposition to the hawaii civil unions bill. the decision is appealed by the senator to the state central committee, the governing body of the democratic party of hawaii.

August

• an old, former friend with whom i had a huge falling out, visits. she stays at my house, after telling her she couldn’t, and generally annoys me…. and apologizes for her actions that ultimately perpetuated our falling out. thankfully its just for a couple of days.

September

• september 18th was my last day of work at the democratic party of hawaii. the economic downturn put a sizable dent in the party’s ability to fundraise and, as a result, i was let go. there are no hard feelings; i’ve been able to collect unemployment since then, which has been a nice and interesting experience. i still spend a fair amount of time there, i’m just not getting paid for it now.
• i start working (volunteering, really) on a couple of different campaigns: one gubernatorial candidate and one lieutenant governor candidate. its nice to be able to spend doing this type of work, which i haven’t been able to do much in the past, given my work schedule. yea for unemployment!

October

• i became an uncle… again.

November

• thanksgiving in mokuleia this year. its always a very nice and very relaxing time. no television. no internet (except on the awesome iphone!). just relaxation, drinking, eating, and swimming. no pictures, as the memory card in my camera went kaplewy… grr.

December

• confirmed a job at the legislature starting early next year (on the 4th, in fact). pretty excited and definitely looking forward to it.
• spent nearly a week in mokuleia for the christmas holiday. i just LOVE it up there. with a new memory card, here’s pictures!

all in all, it was a pretty good year. its a bit hard to believe its already 2010, but that’s how it goes, i guess. here’s to a good one! happy new year!