i saw her move across the room.
i nearly jumped out of my seat, ran across the room and hugged her.
her face changed.
she grew taller and i was alone and remorseful again

wait for it

and frustration abounds. of course, the reasons are all too clear. are all the good ones taken? how would i really know?
my prospects are scarce. i spot a girl of seeming value, only to find her taken, spoken for. pick your phrase. i don’t know how to respond to such a situation; rise to the challenge, so to speak?
am i speaking in jibberish? am i making sense at all? i can’t even begin to guess…..

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how do you tell the difference between flirting and being nice? you may laugh, but i’m asking as a serious question. i haven’t the faintest fucking clue.

there’s a line in “sunshine of the spotless mind” that emphasises just how much i’m not kidding, “who do i fall in love with every girl who’s nice to me?” again i stress the seriousness of my question. when i meet a girl and she is nice to me (engaged, seems interested in talking to me, laughs at my jokes, etc) i think she’s flirting.

the other night’s festivities set the scene for a perfect example. it was cinco de mayo and a bunch of people got together to celebrate. don’t ask me why they felt the need to, i don’t quite understand it myself, other than maybe it was simply an excuse to drink a little. anyway, most of the people i had never met before, but more specificly there was a particular girl i’d never met before.

i’m not quite sure who she was friends with, or why i’d never seen her before, but it doesn’t much matter. after dinner, the whole group decided to go to some bar a few blocks from the restaurant. as we were walking through waikiki, the girl in question appeared next to me and struck up a conversation. i was in an unusually good and funny mood, so i didn’t mind (aside from a little confusion).

we joked around for a little bit. i was funny, she was funny. we talked about our jobs and it seemed to me she was flirting. she offered to let me drink from the shot glass that was dangling from her neck. (the restaruant had given us party favors as part of the may 5th festivities. amongst the gifts were plastic shot glasses on a string).

i thought she was flirting with me and by the time she wondered ahead of me i thought i might have found another girl to ‘practice date’ with. this is, of course, until i noticed she was wondering off to the pretty boy further up in the pack. they were holding hands and had their arms around each other. clearly i had been mistaken in my analysis.

and so i ask again; how can one tell the difference between flirting and being nice? how come i take an interest in any girl that is nice to me? how am i supposed to tell? anyway, i don’t really expect an answer, but felt the need to ask the question just the same.

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i wonder if sometimes she thinks of me.
i wonder sometimes if she misses me.
does she see me in her dreams?

sometimes i think i see her on the street.
sometimes i think i see her driving.
she pops up in my dreams and
i wonder if i’ll ever stop missing her.

since she left my life
my heart beats a little slower.
the sun doesn’t shine as bright and
food doesn’t taste as good.
since she left my life
my sleep has been troubled
and my soul has been restless.

i think i will always hurt.
i think i will always miss her.

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