more than usual, i’ve been giving thought to my where i want to be in five years. hell, in two or three years.

as i’m staring at my 40th birthday rushing headlong toward me, i look around and feel that i haven’t accomplished much. or, at least not as much as i’d like.

so, the struggle in my brain currently is this; do i resign myself to my professional position, abandon thoughts of graduate school in exchange for finding a meager home i can actually afford, or do i risk future (and potentially current) financial stability and try my hand at an exciting graduate program that will likely leave me with a six-figure debt?

a few years back i stumbled across a newly minted online program being offered by george washington university. a great school for politics and government, i inquired for additional information. though the program was exactly the kind of thing i was looking for, i hesitated to apply for two main reasons: i didn’t think i could get in and i hadn’t the foggiest clue how i’d afford it.

now, a little time has passed and i’m in the process of the completing the application for this masters program. feeling increasingly dissatisfied with the arc of my career path, i figure i’ve got nothing to lose by applying (except time and the $75 application fee).

there are parts of my brain that keep telling me the risk is too great. the financial burden i’ll be left with, should i be accepted and then actually graduate, will be a certainty, while the career benefits are implicit at best.

but no risk, no reward. isn’t that what they say?

on the flip side, i have a job that is, at least for the next few years, secure. and while it doesn’t pay a whole lot, its enough that, if i tightened my belt a bit, i could possibly afford a place of my own for the right price. i like that idea; it wouldn’t be big or fancy by any definition, but it would be mind.

of course, if i go the graduate school route, at a minimum i’d be adding years to the time it would take me to get to a place again where i could afford my own home, if ever.

i guess we’ll see what happens with my application to gw. i’m honestly torn between the excitement of the potential opportunities the program could provide (not to mention all the cool stuff i’d learn) and the stress graduate school work and paying for it would create.