…ok, not really. but something odd has happened that gives me a fresh realization about life, my life in particular.

when i think about my life now, with all its challenges, frustrations and difficulties, i can’t help but think about how my response is so much different than it would have been just a few short years ago.

something good has happened. really. though it has come with a strong dose of reality and difficulty. in the past, i would have been a wreck. chain smoking, sleepless nights, a short temper, a lack of focus all would have been the norm. if i were dealing with this three or four years ago, i’d be withering from the inside out, unable to cope. but here i am: stable. my outlook is both pragmatic and optimistic. i don’t know if that constitutes a paradox, but that’s certainly how i feel.

despite the problems and potential drama that’s attached, i’m happy. i’m glad. i’m optimistic without also tying all my hopes to this one thing. i’m stable despite the difficult situation. it wasn’t all that long ago when i truly wouldn’t have thought it was possible. i’m stable. practical. my eyes are open. and because i’m able to be at the same time practical and optimistic, i’m able to (i think) lend a bit of that stability to another. three or four years ago, there’s no way that would have been possible. i’d be a wreck, calling on good friends for advice and support. now, i don’t feel like i really need it. i’ve got a good handle on this and as a result can be that support and can lend that council to a good friend.

it’s such a nice feeling and a sense of accomplishment. there was a time when i seriously doubted i’d ever be that for anyone; life for me was a torrent that seemed insurmountable. now, i’m able to most everything in stride. not everything and, admittedly, i still have work to do, but i’m confident.

life’s not without its trials, for sure. though it comes with challenges, i’m glad for the new friend i’ve made and wouldn’t give it up for the sake of simplicity.

this is my life.