since last weekend, i’ve had a question in my brain (ok maybe a few questions) for which i haven’t been able to find answers.  yes, it’s a bit frustrating and so far the friends i’ve asked have been of little help.  in no particular order:

1. what is it about this girl that i find so intriguing?
2. should i really be spinning my wheels this much?  (probably not)
3. should i solicit the help of mutual friends and what might be the consequences if i do?
4. how immature would it be of me to do so?
5. should i just let it go?

ok, so i’m a bit odd.  i freely admit that.  when normal people were learning how to deal with these types of issues, i was busy dealing with a whole list of my own personal issues and demons, so i’m maybe just a bit behind the learning curve.  not much i can do about it now, but be who i am and who i am is asking these potentially silly questions….

of course, i have no preoccupation about the job interview i have on monday, no preoccupation with a potential change in career.  i’m not even a bit nervous about interviewing for a job for which i have no previous experience.  a new job and career aren’t the things that are spinning in my brain at nearly every free moment.  how strange is that?  honestly, you can tell me.  i can take it.

oh well, tomorrow is yet another day.  it’ll be a good day and now it’s almost bed time….

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so, since i’ve pretty much decided that i have no readership to speak of….

while grocery shopping this evening i ran into the girl for whom i have a bit of a ‘thing’.  being caught totally off guard and by surprise, i’m pretty sure i acted like somewhat of a dufus: awkward and overly excited.  i could be wrong, but i’m pretty sure that’s not the way i’m going to cultivate in her any interest in me.  if she didn’t think i was a bit goofy before, there’s a good chance she thinks so now.

yea me!

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yesterday was, for all intents and purposes, pretty standard. it was the type of day that has become pretty standard for me, and yet it turned out to be quite unique. for me, who used to pretty much curse life, it’s an odd thing when i quite happily and easily can find something good (if not remarkable) in just about every single day. and yesterday was no exception.

after an organizational meeting for a somewhat new community outreach/political/party building group that turned out to be less than productive, i had plans to meet some new, very cool friends for drinks. the meeting, to my surprise, ended much earlier than i had expected and rather than make the trek (5 mile drive) back home, i went straight to the rendezvous point to start the beer drinking early and maybe get some extra work done.

while looking for a table outside, my eyes landed on a familiar face, one i hadn’t seen in quite some time.  we sat and chatted for a while (she ws nice enough to hang out while i waited for my other friends).  we had a nice conversation and it was good to see her, but she said something that really startled me.  in a good way.

at one point, she commented at how different i seemed.  she said that i seemed more confident and comfortable with myself.  now these are things i had seen in myself previously (or at least thought i did).  i can’t tell you how great it makes me feel to know that people actully notice that change in me.  very few (maybe one) of my friends has made that comment to me, though i guess that fact that i see and talk to them everyday might make it hard for them to notice.  it’s kinda like looking at someone everday and not noticing them getting older.  sure you can tell if you look at an old picture, but from day to day, one usually doesn’t pick up on these things.  needless to say, her observation completely made my night.

there is no doubt in my mind that i am a different person than i was a year ago.

and there are other things.  in the last week, i’ve received to other very nice and, to be honest, very surprising compliments.  i guess even though i see these changes in me and am thrilled by them, i’m still surprised when other people pick up on them.  i still take compliments like a blushing school boy; ‘awe shucks.’

there are still things that i need to work on and still see room for improvement, but i no longer fixate on these things.  and of course it’d be nice to find a girl of interest, who is actually interested in me, but such is life.  and tomorrow is another day….

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