yea! moving from weekly sessions to bi-montly sessions! but am i really getting better?
let me send this question out into the digital universe to be answered by anyone who feels they have an answer; what is it about me that is so likeable?
i asked my esteemed roommate this question and he answered with a slew of adjectives that were too numerous to keep track of. actually, it was quite flattering, but at the end of the conversation, i was left with the same question.
now, its not really that i don’t believe him, or think he’s lying to me, or think he’s wrong. i simply don’t see what he sees. i just don’t get it.
i sometimes wonder how different my world would be, how different my life would be if i saw what others seem to see. i don’t know what it will take for me to see what they see. i don’t know what it will take for me to believe in myself.
i hate the word cute. i hate the way it sounds and i hate what it means….
mostly, though, i hate when people say i’m cute. sure, there was a time when i was flattered by it, but then i went to college and found that cute us word girls associate with friends. i’ve never met a gilr that is looking for a cute guy. they don’t go to clubs looking for a cute guy. they’re looking for the beefy metrosexual. girls don’t gossip about the cute guys they meet.
cute is something they settle for. cute and nice. if they could help it, they wouldn’t date cute guys at all. they’d simply keep them as friends, as little pets to make them feel better about themselves, feel better when the beefy metrosexual dumps them, or says something mean, or cheats on them. it’s the nice, cute friend they keep around when times get tough.
and while i’ll admit there’s something kinda nice about that, it doesn’t pay the bills, so to speak. at the end of the day, the cute guy is nothing more than a caring shoulder to cry on. what’s wrong with that, you might ask. well, it’s pretty simple, as far as i’m concerned; the nice, cute guy gets shafted every time in favor of the beefy metrosexual jackass. and the cute nice guy is expected to be there to clean up the mess. the thing is, if the girl saw the virtue of the nice and cute guy in the first place, there’d be no problem.
it’s not that i mind being thought of as dependable, reliable, trustworthy, or anything of the sort, quite the contrary in fact. the problem is girls seem to only really want those kinds of traits from cute, nice guy friends. when it comes to relationships, they’re traits that seem to be negotiable, which i don’t understand.
i hate that i’m cute. from my experience, which i will admit may be a bit limited, being called cute is a relationship death sentance. the cute nice guy will inevitablly end up alone and without love in his life. given this outcome, who the hell would want to be thought of as cute?
i need a new pen.
it’s been a strange set of days:
preoccupied with a new york stranger
enternal sunshine of the spotless mind