at 29 years old, i have to admit i still often wonder what the hell i’m doing with my life. i can’t say that i’ve really got a career and i have only the vaguest notion of what i would want a career to look like. i’m still trying to figure out school, job, finances, not to mention myself. every now and then i wonder whether hawaii is really the place for me; might i find more fulfillment somewhere else?

the honest answer is, i’m not sure.  then again, is anyone ever sure about what their future might hold?  the single most important lesson i’ve learned in the last few years is this: enjoy life and don’t worry so much.  sometimes i have trouble with this and slip into old habits of fretting and nail biting, i’m always reminded of the lesson.

earlier this week, i was was stressing and worrying about my life, money, and school.  i was frustrated and worried about the decisions i’ve made.  i felt like i had so much to think about, to worry about.  now, here’s why i can’t imagine living anywhere else; i was standing out on my lanai and i watched the rain roll out from the back of the valley in which i live.  at first the air was calm and quiet, then became a cool breeze as the rain approached my house.  immediately, i was calm.  somehow all the things i was freaking out about seemed suddenly less important, or at least less urgent.

i admit to not going to the beach as offen as i should (or maybe as i want to), but the days i’ve spent at the beach are easily the best i’ve spent since i’ve been here and, quite possibly, some of the best of my life.  you know, when i first moved here, i heard people talk about the special spirit of hawaii, but never really took it to heart.  now, after having spent a few years here, i get it.  i’m not a particularly spiritual person and question the existence of g-d, but i cannot deny a certain power and peace this place has.  and every day i’m here, i come to appreciate it just a bit more.