a speech not given

“so, i’m not particularly good at speechifying, i don’t like microphones, and get nervous around new people. this should be interesting.

“i can’t honestly say i remember the first time i met danny, but it was definitely in high school and most likely at some bbyo related something-or-other. i guess i have to really jump a head here, because i blanking on details. what i can tell you about my recollection of danny from those days is this: he’s only slightly less odd now and he helped me publish a hatikvah newspaper for one of the conventions i was fortunate enough to attend.

“we’ve always had to keep one eye on him, like a child. in fact, at one point i think the idea of a child leash was discussed among the group. we’d have to frequently hide particularly appealing flamable items, salt and pepper shakers, silverware, sugar packets, etc. in fact, if we hadn’t been reasonably certain he’d throw food, we would have been prepared to allow him only finger foods.

“but danny’s always been sharp, witty, and funny. for example, aside from the penny joke, my favorite danny joke goes likes this:

what’s brown and sticky?
a stick
(ha ha ha)

“not too long after i moved to hawaii, i began to hear rumors of a danny girlfriend, though i couldn’t confirm them. shawn had few details, danny was quite closed lipped, and every time i happened to be in KC, she was unavailable. i started to wonder if this lindsey girl was simply a figment of danny’s overactive imagination.

“when it came to the order of whom would get married first, we all knew it would be daniel, for obivous reasons. then shawn. then todd, who unfortunately couldn’t be here because he’s over seas teaching computer skills to samoan children. after that, we were all pretty certain it would be three way tie between myself, danny, and jeremy.

“well, finally, during my last trip back here, i had the fortunate opportunity to learn that not only was lindsey a real flesh and blood woman, but that she was terrific! so right for danny! and i could see how well they went together and how happy they made each other.

“then, last christmas, i get a call from my brother, asking if danny and lindsey were engaged. i told him i knew nothing about any such thing and decided to go straight to the source. though i can’t now remember the exact time, i know it was night time in hawaii, which meant it was definitely late in kansas city, when i called danny. apparently i had interrupted him in writing an email he was preparing to send the group. and thus lindsey learned that the jewish gossip chain is faster than light.

“for the next several months, anytime i thought about it, the only thing that came to mind was, ‘oh my g-d, danny’s going to be married!’ i couldn’t believe it. part of me still can’t.

“but danny, depsite all his quirks is all… ok, mostly grown up. and lindsey is a wonderful girl and i just can’t put into words how happy i am that they’ve found each other. i wouldn’t have missed this for anything in the world.

“congratulations, danny and lindsey.”

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