i am not a conversationalist. or at least i’ve never thought of myself as one. when speaking on certain topics, or to people with whom i’m comfortable, i admittedly do well. i’ve even recently been praised for my conversational abilities by family whom i don’t really know and haven’t seen or spoken to in more than a decade.

still, i’ve never thought of myself as a ‘talker.’ i’m more inclined to listen to conversation than participate in it, usually because i don’t think i have anything compelling to contribute. put another way, i’ll speak when i have something to say, but not really otherwise. in this way, i think i take after my father, which on some level fills me with a sense of pride. on another level, however, my aversion to make ‘small talk,’ or rather my unwillingness to speak if i don’t think its important can be seen, in a certain light, as a hinderance.

…i tried several iterations of language here in an attempt to avoid sharing certain details, but omitting said details leaves the post incomplete and maybe a bit muddled. sigh….

this has always been one of my least favorite holidays, though the reason has evolved over the years.

for the vast majority of my adult and adolescent life, i’ve been single and always such on valentine’s day. it used to be i was jealous of all the lovey-dovey couples wandering around in some sort of annoying delirium. nothing short of sitting in my room, alone, with no television or internet would keep from me the constant reminders of my seeming perpetual bachelorhood.

valentine’s day used to make me so angry. while i was generally a mood person in college anyway, valentine’s day just magnified my anger and depression. i wasn’t really any fun to be around. i used to think i wouldn’t be happy unless i found someone to be with and this holiday served as an irritating reminder that not only was i still single, but that there were no prospects of a remedy.

don’t ask me why or from where i got such a seemingly odd notion of happiness, but there it is….

1: government by the wealthy
2: a controlling class of the wealthy

this is a great word, one of those that somehow sound like its meaning. try using it in a sentence:

america is a plutocracy!

on january 4th, i started a new job as a legislative aid to representative morita for the 2010 hawaii state legislative session. it’s been a grueling couple of weeks and with opening day officially kicking off the legislative season yesterday, i expect things to get even tougher.

if you’re a regular visitor here, you’ll know i’m not one for over confidence, or really any confidence at all, but this job is the first i’ve had in a long time that often has me feeling overwhelmed. as someone who thought he had a pretty good bead on how things work at the legislature, feel like i’m learning to walk all over again. unless you’ve spent countless hours and years at the capitol, or have worked a session job before, there’s really no way for me to describe how it is.

as i’m sure others have said, the year has flown by. at the same time, though, it seems like so much has happened in the world, in america, and in my life. i’m in such a different place in my life now than i was at the beginning of the year; january 2009 seems so long ago….

here’s a month-by-month breakdown. maybe not the sexiest way to do it, but maybe the easiest?