for reasons unclear to me, i’ve been thinking a lot about death. not in terms of a self-inflicted death, but rather the nature of death, what it means and what comes next. and in thinking about what comes next, thoughts inevitably turn to notions of faith.

when i was a young child, i may have had faith, but if i did, that faith has long since left me. as far back as i can remember, i’ve never really had a belief in g-d, in the spiritual, in the afterlife. with that lack of faith came a desire to find other means by which to define, to borrow the title of one of my favorite books, life, the universe and everything.

looking back now, i think the drive to understand existence, not to mention my lack of faith, stemmed from deep-seeded self-doubt and the chronic depression from which i suffered.

just felt the need to share this video of isis jane with her new little brother, courtesy of my dad.

(sorry, i haven’t figured out how to embed video without using youtube.)

my brain is of a peculiar sort. it has always had a tendency to grab a hold of ideas, thoughts, impractical (or impossible) scenarios and chew on them until there’s nothing left. even ideas, things that in reality have no real value or merit will often claim my preoccupation, using up large amounts of processing power. since i was a child, my brain has had this tendency and i have not, as of yet, figured out a way to let go of all thoughts inconsequential.

such is occurring now and began yesterday afternoon. i got a call from one of my best and oldest friends as he and his wife were driving back from a weekend out of town. in typical fashion, he started ‘harassing’ me about my… lack of dating and mentioned a girl i know, who is recently single, but doesn’t live in hawaii.

we often joke about these things; he insists and gives reasons why i should relocate away from hawaii and i insist, giving reasons of my own, he should just relocate here. of course, neither is very likely. still, joking or not, the suggestion has been festering in my brain since yesterday.

i decided years ago that the lack of dating opportunities here was not a good reason to relocate to larger pools. i have a life here that is, for the most part, successful and i see no reason to leave for a singular reason such as this. of course, having said this, there is that part of my brain that chews on ridiculous, impractical, and impossible scenarios that can’t help but chew on my friend’s playful suggestion that i abandon hawaii for brighter potential(s)….