so, the friday before my big run, i had a healthpass appointment at work to check just how out of shape and unhealthy i really am. yesterday i got the results. they’re depressing, to say the least.

i knew i was ‘overweight’ because i see myself in the mirror everyday, but also because my doctor told me so a while back. clearly he didn’t really put in terms that i could really digest, because i didn’t think it was that big of deal, or that i was that fat. clearly, i miss understood.

ok, so here are the figures:

height: 5’6″
weight: 179
bmi: 28.7 (that would be my body fat percentage)

that’s right, i’m apparently nearly 30% body fat. add on the 70% water and that leaves 1.3% muscle, bone, hair, etc. i almost fainted. maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but i was definitely shocked.

given my short stature (slightly below average?) i’m supposed to weight somewhere between 115 and 145 pounds. that means to reach the middle of that range i need to lose in the vicinity of 50 pounds! that’s a tiny person! a midget, a mini me!

in an effort to reach that goal, i’ve started looking at what it means to eat healthy (balanced diet, proper portions, etc) and what kind of regular exercise i need to be doing. 50 pounds! the task seems so daunting and the thought of it depresses me. i can’t imagine losing that much weight….

we’re talking about a major lifestyle change here and i don’t even know where to begin.

in all honesty, it’s the change in my eating habits what will be far tougher than adding more exercise to my routine.  i’ve already been trying to exercise more, though it’s clear to me now that the months of training for the run have done nothing for me in the way of weight loss.  more is obviously needed.  more running, more swimming, more… i don’t even know.

i’ve started looking into exercise programs, joining a gym, or even getting a personal trainer.  i simply don’t know what to do or where to start with this stuff.  then, of course, there’s the eating healthy bit.  i knew i could eat better, but i honestly never really thought i ate that poorly.  i mean, i don’t eat a lot of sweets, i’ve cut back on fast food (though still break down occasionally), and i don’t eat nearly as much junk food as i used to.  and still, i’m carrying around a mini me on my frame.  what do i do?  get a cook book?  confine my meals to salads?  get myself a nutritionist?  i just don’t know how to begin….

so now i’m stuck with this feeling of relative helplessness and a clearer understanding of just how unattractive i must be (wallowing?  yeah, maybe just a bit).  while i have some doubts about my ability to turn all this around, i’m fairly confident i can succeed; all i need to do is figure out a plan and where the hell to start….

sunday night was the supposed peak of the perseids meteor shower.  don’t ask me, because i didn’t see much.  a friend of mine and i walked to the top of makapuu point, away from the lights of honolulu, in order to get a clear view of a show so many expected to be spectacular.  it wasn’t.  i saw two shooting stars over the course of a few hours, as did my friend.  aside from the disappointing shortage of shooting stars, the sky itself was certainly a sight to behold.  away from the city lights, in the pitch darkness of night, we could see literally thousands of stars, not to mention the milky way itself.  it was just so clear and the sky was so beautiful that, by the time we started back down the hill, i barely minded not seeing the show i had been expecting.  i saw one that was just as spectacular.

also, last night the big island was hit with a 5.4 earthquake south of hilo.  yes, i slept through this one too, but in my defense, it was smaller than the one last fall, not to mention further away and a huge mountain was between me and the epicenter.  in itself, i’m not sure that this would be worth mentioning, except that it happened to occur on the same day that hurricane flossie is scheduled to brush over the big island with up to 10 in inches of rain and tropical storm force winds.  nope, not the best week to be visiting the big island of hawaii.

flossie (who comes up with these names?) is on track to barely miss the rest of the islands, but here in honolulu, we do expect heavier than normal winds, rain, and surf as the hurricane (by tomorrow, maybe a category 1?) moves northwest parallel to the island chain.  on the one hand, i’m glad we won’t be hit directly by a this storm for the sake of safety.  still, on the other hand, part of me would really like to see/experience a hurricane (i’m not asking for a category 5, i think a 2 or maybe 3 would be sufficient).

i’ve now lived in places on earth that produce two of the most powerful, destructive, and cool (yes, i said cool) type of storms in the world and i’ve seen nor experienced either.  i’m lucky and annoyed all at the same time!

the date of the kilauea volcano runs
402 – my number in the 10 mile race
2:55:58 – my finish time
349 – my place in the race (out of 368)
2 – the number of days it took me to recover

you can see pictures of the weekend here.

at 29 years old, i have to admit i still often wonder what the hell i’m doing with my life. i can’t say that i’ve really got a career and i have only the vaguest notion of what i would want a career to look like. i’m still trying to figure out school, job, finances, not to mention myself. every now and then i wonder whether hawaii is really the place for me; might i find more fulfillment somewhere else?

the honest answer is, i’m not sure.  then again, is anyone ever sure about what their future might hold?  the single most important lesson i’ve learned in the last few years is this: enjoy life and don’t worry so much.  sometimes i have trouble with this and slip into old habits of fretting and nail biting, i’m always reminded of the lesson.

earlier this week, i was was stressing and worrying about my life, money, and school.  i was frustrated and worried about the decisions i’ve made.  i felt like i had so much to think about, to worry about.  now, here’s why i can’t imagine living anywhere else; i was standing out on my lanai and i watched the rain roll out from the back of the valley in which i live.  at first the air was calm and quiet, then became a cool breeze as the rain approached my house.  immediately, i was calm.  somehow all the things i was freaking out about seemed suddenly less important, or at least less urgent.

i admit to not going to the beach as offen as i should (or maybe as i want to), but the days i’ve spent at the beach are easily the best i’ve spent since i’ve been here and, quite possibly, some of the best of my life.  you know, when i first moved here, i heard people talk about the special spirit of hawaii, but never really took it to heart.  now, after having spent a few years here, i get it.  i’m not a particularly spiritual person and question the existence of g-d, but i cannot deny a certain power and peace this place has.  and every day i’m here, i come to appreciate it just a bit more.

in recent days and weeks, i’ve had a feeling creeping around by brain that is now beginning to find a voice; i’m stagnating. while friends and family seem to be moving forward with their lives, relationships, and careers, here i am feeling relatively adrift. i say relatively because there was a time, not all that long ago, when it was much, much worse.

on the one hand, i don’t feel in any particular hurry to be successful, married, or a father. right now i’m pretty happy with my life and haven’t had a whole lot of motivation to continue moving forward… that is until recently.

i’ve become aware two things that make up the combined impetus for an increased motivation to improve myself and my life. one is a desire to stay in hawaii. truth be told, there are a few things about this place that bug me, but they’re minor and certainly not enough to make me want to move somewhere else. staying in hawaii, for me, means buying a house. sure, i chould stay here and live in town and rent for the rest of my life, but i really, really don’t want to do either. the most beautiful places here are in the country, so to speak.

of course, in order to purchase a house, i need to make more money. as you might expect, homes in paradise aren’t cheap and even though the area in which i’d like to live has lower home prices, they’re still just out of reach. last week i asked for an opportunity to obtain a MCSA certification through my job. i’ve been offered this opportunity in the past, but turned it down because it meant signing a long term contract with them, which i wasn’t willing to do. however, now that i’ve decided i’m probably not going anywhere, as long as they agree to one or two stipulations, i’m willing to sign the contract and get the certification; it means an increased salary, which means an increased savings and ability to pay a mortgage.

the other half of this combination is a crush. it’s a crush i’ve had for a while now and while it has become increasingly clear that’s probably all it will be, i’ve been struggling to improve myself in the hopes of winning some favor with the girl in question. i’m doing a 10 mile run in less than a month, something i never would have even considered a year ago. i’m trying to get in shape in other areas and smoke less (i’m averaging half a pack, most days). and i’m trying to grow a greater appreciation for some of the things hawaii has to offer that i’ve been taking for granted.

while none of this has yet to do any good with regard to the crush, i am nonetheless, determined to make myself over. i want to be better, healthier, and more appreciative of the place in which i live. it’s an overall drive to improve the person that i am, inwardly and outwardly.

now all i have to do is overcome habit and lethargy….  here’s to hoping it works out better for me than it has in the past.