…apparently. yes, i know. i’m shocked too.

the other night, while waiting for a meeting to start, one of the other attendees sat down next to me. ‘a friend of mine saw you on tv,’ he said.

‘oh really?’

‘yeah, he was watching coverage of the house committee hearing.’

‘that’s right. olelo was filming the whole thing. that’s cool.’

‘he saw you in the front row and asked me, ‘who is that? he’s a hottie.”

‘oh… uh, that’s nice. thanks.’

yeah, i didn’t know how to respond. i’m sure my response was puzzling to him.

see, the meeting was for the weekly planning group for the civil unions bill. out of a room of approximately thirty people, i’m probably one of maybe three or four people who are straight. now, some of those people know i’m straight, but given the topic and my enthusiastic support of said topic, there is no doubt in my mind that most of them assume i’m gay. i mean, come on, you’ve probably thougth at one time or another than i was. others have questioned my sexuality, even my parents.

it doesn’t bother me. in the same way gay people don’t feel the necessity to declare their sexuality to people, neither do i. when it becomes an issue, or if i’m worried someone will embarrass themselves, i will mention it, but don’t otherwise feel the need to do so. i’m sure this guy and his friend assumed i was gay. i attend the meetings. and there i was, front and center at the hearing.

this is not the ultimate point of this post, however. the point is this: i wonder how many straight women saw me on olelo and said the same thing? or, for that matter, how many women have ever thought that about me? there have been girls attracted to me, of this i am certain. so i guess my real gripe is: one, it happens so rarely that i’m never quite sure how to respond (disbelief is my default), two, i’m not attracted to, or interested in them, or three, should i happen to actually reciprocal feelings, something (usually my ineptitude) manages to muck it up.

while it is certainly flattering when anyone thinks i’m attractive, it can get old when it’s mostly crazy girls for gay men. i’m sorry, but what the fuck?

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again; trying to find a nice girl to date is just too damn exhausting, especially here. i’ve more or less just given up. i’ve thrown in the towel. that’s not to say, however, that there aren’t days when i think it would be nice to have a girlfriend. hell, just a date would be a nice place to start. but i see people coupling up all around me and can’t help thinking whatever slim chance i have is getting slimmer by the day.

screw it, i’ll be out of this funk in a few days and can get back to worrying about things over which i have more control.

g’night. (hurray for two posts in one day! i know you’re excited.)