i’ve (we’ve) had a slew of visitors here over the last couple weeks, most of them old friends from high school.

my high school group of friends are like my second family. in many ways, i we grew up together and although i don’t talk to many of them on a regular basis, they all hold a special place in my heart which i don’t think will ever change. when i make trips back to the OP, no matter how long its been since i was there, no matter how long its been since i spoke to them, its always as if no time has passed at all. so span of time or miles can seem to break these bonds and for this i am extremely grateful.

durning one of the visits, my roommate and i were reminiscing about our bbyo days. my experience during the two years i spent as a member of hatikvah aza #1126 were quite possibly the only bright spot in what was otherwise a dark and miserable high school experience. the last year my roommate and i were members was the best year hatikvah saw in some time (so it is my understanding, anyway). our membership was up and our success and popularity rivaled the dreaded nordonian (spelling?). think revenge of the nerds….

that was the same year i was nominated to be a beau candidate for kinneret #1466. it’s complicated to explain exactly what that means, but for me personally, it was of huge importance. for a guy with little or no self-esteem, who constantly questioned his self-worth, nomination was an incredible boost and for the next few months i competed for the attention and affections of the kinneret girls in the hopes of winning the title of beau for kinneret.

the real competition, i was later told, boiled down to two guys: me and brian (whose last name has been alluding me for the last couple of days). as we came down to the end and the night of the big dance approached, i was hopeful. sure the voices of doubt told me i shouldn’t bother; i had no real hope of winning. i, however, did my best to ignore the voices chose instead to think i had a real shot.

sometimes it amazes me the things i remember…. i can’t recall with whom i ‘walked down,’ but do recall the theme song i chose: terminal frost, by none other than pink floyd. i can remember the room and standing up on stage with my date (?) standing in front of me. i can also distinctly remember hearing my name being called when the moment finally came, though i know it was merely my brain playing a cruel trick. my competition, brian, won the day and the title. the next moments, and possibly hours, are completely blank. the next thing i remember is walking, sullen and defeated, into my best friend’s house.

sure it was a long time ago and i understand that these things aren’t supposed to affect you so long after. in the grand scheme, what difference would winning have really made? who knows. probably not much, but i’m still startled sometimes by the memory of the hurt of that particular loss. i think its worse knowing that i was so close to actually winning.

still, i think quite fondly of those days and sometimes long for them again. despite my difficulties back then, its hard to deny my days in hatikvah were some of my happiest, particularly that last year and the time i spent as a beau candidate for kinneret #1466.