for years, i’ve come across people, friends, family, etc. who’ve thought i might be gay. some have asked (my parents). other have simply assumed that to be the case. i used to bother me; what about me makes some draw that conclusion? sure i have no luck with girls, haven’t had a date or girlfriend for years, but gay? when my stepfather asked me, in a roundabout fashion, whether i was gay, i was surprised, but not shocked. it seems to me i’m just about as atypical of a male as one could be. so it isn’t totally unrealistic for people to make that assumption.

as i’ve gotten older, that perception bothers me less and less. depending on the circumstances and unless some one flat out asks me, i let people make whatever assumption they like….

a little over a year ago, i got involved in the Family Equality Coalition (FEC) an organization working for GLBT rights, particularly marriage equality. some of the original organizers of the group might have known i was straight, but a lot of the newcomers just assumed i was gay. admittedly, it never came up in conversation and i never thought it important enough to point out that i wasn’t. when i nonchalantly ‘came out’ as it were, that i was straight, they were… well, surprised. to some extent, i get it; there aren’t a lot of straight people who have chosen to make this particular issue a priority in the things they choose to care about and fight for.

at a party last night of various people who are all working together to pass a civil unions bill, there were a few occasions in which the assumption was crystal clear: i’m gay. in one instance, the assumption was made in a conversation that, as far as i’m concerned isn’t related to my sexuality, so i didn’t feel the need to correct the other person. in a separate conversation with another party goer, after several minutes passed before i felt the need to point out my seemingly unique status. in a houseful of people who are a minority (gay) i was, i believe, the only straight person.

let me be clear here, this distinction doesn’t bother me. it doesn’t bother me when they assume i’m gay, like them. the assumption is a simple enough one to make; there really aren’t that many straight people who choose to make this a priority among the things they choose to fight for. i can get married, and along with it all the benefits and ‘perks’ state and federal governments bestow on married people. if same-sex couples are never allowed to get ‘married’ my life will be largely unaffected. on the other hand, i feel strongly about this issue. i believe it is nothing more than people’s (and society’s) discomfort about the notion of same-sex relationships that makes this an issue at all.

i imagine the time will come when everyone knows i’m straight. in the meantime however, i choose not to make an issue out of it. besides, admittedly, its an interesting experience being a discreetly ‘closeted’ straight person amongst a crowd of homosexuals. if nothing else, it only strengthens my conviction about this issue; aside from who we are attracted to and share a bed with, we’re all the same.