so i received a declination letter from richardson law school yesterday. i knew there wasn’t a big  chance of me being accepted, but i couldn’t help but be a bit shocked. and disappointed.

admittedly, i was never completely sold on the notion, but i did like the idea. it made me feel like i had a plan and a goal, instead of drifting. as such, my biggest frustration and disappointment about the whole thing is now i’m back to having no plan, no goal. oh, and no well-paying job.

on the other hand, no crushing debt either.

i haven’t decided whether or not i’m going to apply again. i do intend to meet with someone in the admissions office about my application to see what the problem(s) might have been. if was my poor college transcripts or pathetic  LSAT score, i’m not sure there will be any point in trying again, as i can’t do anything about the transcripts and i doubt the LSAT score will improve much. what’s more, even if i can somehow manage to do significantly better the next time around, i believe the scores are averaged and so i’d possibly still be screwed.

i think the worst part about this is how not being accepted makes me feel about myself: stupid and useless. i know i’m neither, but i can’t help but feel the pangs of past self-doubt that sit in the bottom of my stomach and make me question everything i do.

it makes me feel stupid to have wasted my years at college. admittedly, i don’t know that all that was completely my fault, but still…. the bottom line is i felt like i finally had some direction and now its been yanked away from me.

what the hell am i going to do with my life now?