no one in my family is particularly keen on my inclination to go to law school. they have their reasons, including my father, though they’re all supportive of me regardless of their own opinions….

during the most recent conversation with my father, we were talking about my plan for law school, costs, work, etc. we were also talking about the tanking economy and falling house prices. toward the end of the conversation, he asked whether i’d rather go to law school or get a house. i hate to make assumptions about such things, but it did kind of sound like he might help pay for one or the other. who knows…. at the time, though, i couldn’t answer the question. honestly and maybe, surprisingly, i’m torn.

this was just too good not to share.

its just after 1am and though i probably should be sleeping, i’m wide awake. this happens occasionally, though not as often as it used to. insomnia. i’ve dealt with bouts of insomnia for as long as i can remember. it just happens. i’ve never quite been able to tell when or why a sleepless night would find me, but they’ve always seemed to, sooner or later. all i’ve ever been able to say is that my brain works extra hard at something and the constant firing of neurons keeps my eyes open when i want to close them and keeps my thoughts running when i want them to cease. its annoying, certainly, but its just something i’ve learned to deal with….

i feel a bit lost. lonely. i’m not sure why, though i can’t say its sudden; the feeling’s been creeping, gaining on me for a little while now. it seems every day something else adds fuel to the fire, giving it speed. making it harder and harder to outrun. so here i am, finally overtaken. and while its a certainty that this will pass, as it always does, knowing that somehow provides me little comfort. i feel lonely and lost.

(a fun and happy post….)

these aren’t things we think about every day, though i think its safe to say that just about every one has had to deal with either the death of someone close to them, or a serious illness.

for my part, i’ve been witness to the slow decline and ultimate demise of three of my four grandparents (the forth died when i was very young). needless to say, it’s not fun. a friend of mine has been battling serious illness for some time and i received news today that they’ve taken a turn for the worst. while i sort of knew it was comming (‘it was only a matter of time’) i can’t help but be shocked. floored. saddened.

in light of this news, i feel the need to reflect a bit…. most recently (a couple of years ago) my grandfather (my father’s father) passed. after my grandmother died, he was still active, though depression set in and i think some will left him to continue. it was just about a year later than he died. cancer. when he took a turn for the worse, i traveled to arizona to visit him in the hospise center. even though i knew the situation, i wasn’t prepared to watch him die. i wasn’t prepared for the phone call, urging me to rush over because the end was near. even in light of the situation, the thought of death was somehow pushed out of my brain.

in the last days, he was asleep except for brief moments; the pain medication made sure of that. thankfully, i was able to spend some time with him at the end. and was able to say goodbye.

we all know death is inevitable. it’s the only true certainty in life. and yet, we’re always seemingly caught unprepared when death does come to someone close to us. its never easy….

honestly, i’m not sure where i’m going with this. my brain is a bit frozen and i just sit here, shaking my head… shaking my head. my thoughts and prayers (if i really thought they’d do any good) are with my friend and his family.