so, about a month ago i broke down and signed up for a six-month subscription to match.com. they had a sale on and i thought it was about time i tried my hand at dating (or at least thinking about it). admittedly, i haven’t actually contacted anyone on the site, though there are a few girls that have caught my eye.

the thing is, i haven’t quite managed to get past the idea of it; how can you judge a person based on a premeditatedly-created profile? they all are “outgoing,” “adventurous,” “love life,” and “like to try new things.” and the like. is it possible all these people have the same outlook on life? i find it a bit hard to believe, though understand they may have been “chosen” to match my profile. who knows. all i know is that i’m not sure how to relate to people using this format. i’m all for technology, but may be just slightly too old to embrace this way of “meeting” women.

there’s another hurdle as well…. i’m terrible at starting up a conversation with a stranger in person. i don’t like cold-calling people and i’m not sure how to craft an email to someone whose picture i like and whose profile intrigues me. i just don’t know how to do it. i’ve tried to start writing such an email in my brain, but haven’t gotten very far. i don’t know where to being and when i try, i think it sounds stupid, or contrived, or fake. maybe that’s not actually the case, but my self-conscious nature make it sound that way to me. it’s hard to say. i know i want to give it a try, if for no other reason than i spent the money, but for other reasons as well…. i just haven’t been able to proceed without a feel that the whole online dating process is completely absurd. i haven’t given up. not yet. and continue to try crafting an introductory email. i guess i’m just expressing my difficulty and frustration with the process.

what’s more, it seems i’ve stumbled across a real-world hiccup, which i’m hesitant to spell out here, for fear of who might see the post (a constant and troubling consideration every time i sit down to write a post). what i think i can say is that this “hiccup” is making me think there might be value in putting the online dating attempt on hold for a bit.

all in all, my frustration level is on the rise.