given my past (crappy) experience with eharmony.com, my current (crappy) experience with match.com, and a recent matchmaking attempt by a friend of mine, i’ve been giving some thought to the differences, the pros and cons, of the two methods of ‘meeting someone.’
on the one hand, being setup by a friend has a certain comfort of trust that paid online services might lack. there’s an assumption that the friend-turned-matchmaker has some insight that could prove quite useful as they look for, actively or otherwise, someone with which to match you. in much the same way you might trust a friend not to mess with you while you’re passed out drunk, you’d probably trust them to at least attempt to match you with someone they know…. then again, i definitely have friends with whom i wouldn’t for a second trust with myself were i to pass out in their presence (good thing that’s never happened).
friends, presumably, have at least some knowledge of you: your likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs, what you look for in a potential match. there’s a personal involvement and intimacy that the paid dating sights certainly lack, no matter how many probing questions they ask.
now having said that, there may be downsides to having a friend play matchmaker. while its never happened to me, i’d imagine there’s the potential for hurt feelings; “what do you mean you’re not interested? was wrong with her/him?” i don’t have friends that would respond that way, but i suspect there are lots of people that do.
what’s more, it seems to me there’s an x-factor that even the best of friends can’t account for. everyone has a type: personalities, looks, etc., that they look for. i know i do. but i also know those ‘types’ serve more as guideposts than items on a checklist. i’ve been surprised more than once in the last serveral years about the girls i’ve ‘had a thing for’ as some of them might have only met one or two of my type checklist. given this ‘x’ factor, there’s at least a fair chance that your friend is going to miss the mark more than they’re going to hit it, through no fault of their own.
on the other hand, you have the paid services that, while costly, allow for a level of anonymity that friend-matchmaking lacks. once completing what may very well be an exhaustive questionnaire about not only what you’re looking for, but about yourself as well, you can then browse countless pages of men or women in the privacy of your own home. or, the services, based on your answers, will actually send you suggestions to browse. while it is my experience that these services rarely, if ever, hit the mark, i must admit it does take a lot of the stress and effort out of looking for one’s soulmate.
another mark in the plus column for these online dating services, is that you’re no longer limited to people in proximity to you. the service can draw from a pool of potential candidates as far-reaching  or as narrow as you choose. you might come to find your soul mate just happens to live in hoboken, nj, someplace you’ve never been nor planned to go. thanks to the internet, there’s virtually no limit to how far you can search.
this system of matchmaking is far from perfect as well. aside from the cost factor, which can be considerable, online dating sites do make the whole process a bit clinical, sterile. i’ve never been good at the ‘real-world’ dating scene, but i do believe there’s definitely something to be said for the messy and human way we go about dating. sure it can be incredibly hard and frustrating, but its real in a way that browsing through photos online can never be. and being the romantic that i am, the online services seem to altogether eliminate the ‘lightning-strike’ factor.
i also have to come back to the cost of these services. they can be prohibitively expensive, at least they are for me. i’ve signed up (and paid) for them during special offer periods, during which you can pay for a trial offer at an increadibly discounted price, or even for free. given that i am a brother of the working man, not to mention my own meager salary, i find it somewhat offensive that these sites charge monthly fees that surpass $20 or more. so what, only those who can afford it deserve a modern, high-tech chance at love…? of course, the practical side of me understands the desire to make a tidy profit in our capitalist world.
despite the fiscal restrictions my life places on me to spend money on these types of things, there’s also a part of me that just finds the whole idea unappealing. don’t get me wrong, i have no doubt that scores of people (if not more) find real and lasting love through these services all the time, but part of me can’t get past the loser stigma that, at least to some extent, comes with ‘internet dating.’ sure i’ve tried it in the past and may come back around to try it again at some future date, but there’s nonetheless a part of me that is unsettled by the whole idea.
i guess the point i’m making here is that there’s no easy way to meet someone. no matter what route you chose to take, its not perfect. its going to be hard, costly, and frustrating and you really only have two choices: keep at it despite the difficulties, or simply give up.
for my part, i definitely lean more toward option two, though will admit to not having quit altogether. i’m just choosing not to expend really any energy on the endeavor and am hoping, perhaps naively, that lightning will strike.