in recent days and weeks, i’ve had a feeling creeping around by brain that is now beginning to find a voice; i’m stagnating. while friends and family seem to be moving forward with their lives, relationships, and careers, here i am feeling relatively adrift. i say relatively because there was a time, not all that long ago, when it was much, much worse.

on the one hand, i don’t feel in any particular hurry to be successful, married, or a father. right now i’m pretty happy with my life and haven’t had a whole lot of motivation to continue moving forward… that is until recently.

i’ve become aware two things that make up the combined impetus for an increased motivation to improve myself and my life. one is a desire to stay in hawaii. truth be told, there are a few things about this place that bug me, but they’re minor and certainly not enough to make me want to move somewhere else. staying in hawaii, for me, means buying a house. sure, i chould stay here and live in town and rent for the rest of my life, but i really, really don’t want to do either. the most beautiful places here are in the country, so to speak.

of course, in order to purchase a house, i need to make more money. as you might expect, homes in paradise aren’t cheap and even though the area in which i’d like to live has lower home prices, they’re still just out of reach. last week i asked for an opportunity to obtain a MCSA certification through my job. i’ve been offered this opportunity in the past, but turned it down because it meant signing a long term contract with them, which i wasn’t willing to do. however, now that i’ve decided i’m probably not going anywhere, as long as they agree to one or two stipulations, i’m willing to sign the contract and get the certification; it means an increased salary, which means an increased savings and ability to pay a mortgage.

the other half of this combination is a crush. it’s a crush i’ve had for a while now and while it has become increasingly clear that’s probably all it will be, i’ve been struggling to improve myself in the hopes of winning some favor with the girl in question. i’m doing a 10 mile run in less than a month, something i never would have even considered a year ago. i’m trying to get in shape in other areas and smoke less (i’m averaging half a pack, most days). and i’m trying to grow a greater appreciation for some of the things hawaii has to offer that i’ve been taking for granted.

while none of this has yet to do any good with regard to the crush, i am nonetheless, determined to make myself over. i want to be better, healthier, and more appreciative of the place in which i live. it’s an overall drive to improve the person that i am, inwardly and outwardly.

now all i have to do is overcome habit and lethargy….  here’s to hoping it works out better for me than it has in the past.