don’t ask me how i came up with this, or why it seemed to occur to me when it did, but i recently came up with this new theory regarding men, women, relationships, and marriage.  take it for what you want….

i think few people would argue that one of the primary driving forces for men is sex.  you hear about studies which suggest that men think, on average, about sex something like every five seconds.  maybe fifteen, but whatever the number, we get the idea; if men aren’t thinking about sex, their either watching football or their asleep.  and to be honest, i don’t know that the latter is a true exception.  as this is the case for most men, it is, i think, fair to presume that when they get into a relationship they presume (whether correctly or not) there will be at least a fair amount of sex for them.  otherwise, why, given their affinity, would they choose to enter a relationship with a particular woman?
women, on the other hand, have a wholly different drive and wholly different expectations of a relationship.  women want a baby.  women want a pet: dog, cat, gerbil, goldfish, etc.  their primary motivation isn’t sex so much as it is being a nurturer, a mother, or dog owner.  they want something/someone they can fawn over, pet, play with, feed, dress up, and so on.  when women get into a relationship, their presumption is the man will let her play that role with them.

following this line of thinking, a long-term relationship, or marriage is a joining of two particular people, who have both agreed to these terms: the men agree to play the role of trainable pet in exchange for regular sex.  women, on the other hand, agree to dole out regular sex to keep their pet playful, amenable, and docile.

now obviously, there is more involved, because both men and women generally go through several relationships before ‘settling down.’  presumably there is some attraction involved (particularly for the woman, who is usually more picky about with whom they go to bed).  while men may not be as particular about with whom they sleep, they are more interested in who the woman acts between romps on the sack.

underlying all the personality subtleties, there is this basic compulsion: men want sex, women want a pet.  when they find someone they can tolerate beyond their unspoken drive, a relationship develops.  over time, the fine points of the agreement are unconsciously negotiated until the contract is ready to be signed, at which time there is a wedding with cake and flowers and lots of presents.  the man, in exchange for having to go through such a ridiculous event is, in exchange, guaranteed an abundance of sex for a predetermined about of time following the wedding.