the last few weeks have seen a strange realization.  i’ve been counciling one or two friends regarding some aspects of their lives and issues relating to relationships.  under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be anything strange, except that these are people i used to turn to for help and advice regarding my life.

since finishing my time with dr. welch, i’ve been growing a different view of my life and of the world, one that gives me more confidence and less stress.  now, i’m giving the same or similar words of advice to these friends that they used to give me.  to be honest, it’s a bit strange and unsettling.  when did i become the voice of reason?  when did i become such a stable pillar of advice?  don’t get me wrong, i’m not complaining.  in fact, i think its great that i can be a help to these people that were such a big help to me during the most difficult and confusing times in my life.  it just never occurred to me that this might happen.  i call it a side effect of being healthy.

i said the same thing when i first realized what it felt like to be happy.  i mean really happy.  it just kinda hit me one day.  ‘oh, this is what it feels like.’  of course, i always wanted to be happy and kinda figured that one day i would be, but when it actually happened, i was surprised and, to be honest, a little freaked out.  now the same is true about this most recent development.  it never occured to me that i’d be doling out advice on topics that i once sought council myself.

this is not to say that i am perfect or 100% healthy.  i still have my laundry list of issues relating to the social realm and to relationships.  and i’m not sure, given the necessity, that’d i’d be able to follow my own advice, but i just don’t worry nearly as much as i used to and i think that’s the best part of all.

while i was home i came across my old journal.  i thought it would be good idea, for posterity’s sake, to put them all on the computer and do a bit of gramatical editing.  i also thought it would be interesting to post the whole journal (with the exception of one entry) on my blog.

its going to take some time for me to get everything transfered to the blog and edit the code, but the first several entries are up.  take a look….  just remember that these were my inner most thoughts and when i wrote them i never imagined that i’d be sharing them with the world.

…yes i was one messed up puppy!

at 7:07:49am yesterday morning, there was an earthquake off the coast of the big island.  there was a major aftershock shortly after.  needless to say, i was sleeping.

the first one did wake me up, but only partly.  i woke up to a shaking room, but promptly went back to sleep.  i didn’t even feel the aftershock.  i woke up again at about 10:30am to a house without power, so i went back to sleep for an hour.  when i woke up again, about an hour later, there was still no power, but i thought it was just in my neighborhood.  i had completely forgotten about the shaking room a few hours earlier.  or maybe i thought i had just been dreaming.

i headed to a local coffee shop, only to find the power was out there, too.  finally, i called a friend of mine to see if his power was out also, only to then learn about the earthquake.

power was out on the entire island of oahu yesterday and i’ve heard reports that there are still parts of the island without power.

i spent my day with friends, drinking, playing cards, etc.  for my first earthquake experience, it wasn’t earth shattering (hehe), but definitely interesting.  i’m sorry i wasn’t awake fully to experience the whole thing….

you’d be surprised how often there are earthquakes in hawaii.

where i live, vog is more than just a funny word.

the clock on my computer says its 5:42pm, which means my body thinks its 10:42pm.  i’m on a plane somewhere over the pacific ocean, on my way back to honolulu, after having spent nearly two weeks on the mainland.  i spent the first few days in dallas, texas for a conference, but this post isn’t about that.  i’m writing about my trip home.

i was there for five days, over the yom kippur holiday.  the holiday itself isn’t one for particular celebration; it is the day of repentance and fasting and asking forgiveness from those we have wronged over the past year.  i went to services at a shul that i actually like for the first time since i’ve been in hawaii.  and i broke the traditional fast with my family, also something i haven’t been able to do since coming to the islands.

but none of this is what i really want to talk about.  i celebrated my four year anniversary in hawaii on planes and in airports returning from this visit home, which is both interesting and somewhat ironic.  when i left for hawaii, i planned to only be here for about a year, or so.  i never intended to stay for any extended period of time, though i’m not sure that i intended to return to kansas.  now four years have passed and there is no clear indication or plan as to when i might depart.  it comes as a great surprise to me that i have managed to make somewhat of a home for myself here.