i have to say, i often think i’m more sentimental than most people.  i may not show it, and you might not know it by talking to me, but i think it’s true.  especially when it comes to my friends and family.  it’s also true of those i can no longer call my friends, but once did.

i got some bad news today; the father of someone who i used to be very close to passed away.  My first thought was, “i hope she’s alright.”  my second thought was, “i’m really sorry i can’t be there with her and her family.”  this is a friend i haven’t seen in years, whose family i haven’t seen in twice as long, and someone i haven’t really spoken to in more than a year.

and still i consider her a friend.  in fact, i still describe her as one of my all time favorite people.  this is what i mean about sentimental.  she’s not in my life and i’m not in her’s and while i can’t practically call her a close friend for that very reason, i’ll admit that i miss our friendship and that i think about her often.

see, i can’t help but blame myself for the way things are.  there was a time when we were so close.  then things got a little strange and a little difficult and i freaked out.  i lost my cool, my temper, said things i shouldn’t have, and as a result, i lost one of my best friends and favorite people.  we eventually patched things up, after i apologized, a few years later.  still, things were never the same after that.  i pretty much screwed things up beyond repair.

the story itself isn’t a very interesting one, unless you knew us and even then you might not think it’s that interesting.  that being said, i feel no need to go into details.  i just have this to say….

i miss you.  i wish we talked more.  i wish i could be there to provide even the littlest bit of comfort during this hard time.  just know that you are in my thoughts, as you often are.