the question’s been raised a couple of times in the last few weeks. i wiggled my way around answering, because, for one thing, i don’t really like answering those types of questions and, for another, i realized i didn’t really have an answer.

in light of this recent revelation, i’ve decided that i should delve into this and try to find an answer. most guys know, more or less, i think, what they like and look for, so maybe it’s high time i figure it out for myself.

so here we go….

i’ll start with what i’ve said in the past, what i thought i used to (and might still) look for. i feel the need to preface this list by saying that nothing in it is absolute:

thin, but not boney
brunette
cute
sharp dry wit (or at least an appreciate of such)
good sense of humor
smart (smarter than me)
confident
outgoing
friendly
not clingy
quirky/odd

i always thought this was a pretty good list, but i’m starting to realize this list may not hold true anymore. or maybe it never did. or maybe i have in this list an idea, a starting point.

as people get older, as people do, and wise with experience, as most do, they get a much better sense of what they like and don’t like. in terms of the opposite sex, the experience i refer to here is dating. relationships with numerous people over the years since the onset of puberty, it is my understanding, tend to give people a growing clarity regarding what they seek out in the opposite sex.

being the person i am, with my depressed high school and college existence with which i’ve had to contend, my experience in this particular area is severely limited. i know what kinds of beer, music, movies, and books i like because i’ve done a lot of drinking, a lot of listening, watching, and reading. so then, how could i possibly know what what to look for in the opposite sex having had virtually no (i mean this in every conceivable way) experience with women?

what i go by, what i have gone by, is what i’m attracted to. refer to the list above. with only two (maybe three) exceptions, this is the type of girl i’ve always been attracted to, though rarely actually dated.

i look at my oldest friend and roommate and see how he’s grown and how his ‘taste’ has become more specific, narrow, and refined. until i started thinking about this post, i had concluded that he was fickle, a womanizer who frequently hop-scotched from one girl to the next. it occurs to me now (i never claimed to be a quick study), he was doing what i’ve done with beer, music, books, and movies: figuring out what he looks for.

i’ve said for years that, when it comes to dating and the opposite sex, i’m pretty much out of luck, because i’m so far behind with regard to practice and experience. i’ve never really dated and the relationships i have had have been few, brief, and occurred by sheer dumb luck. put another way, i suck at relating to the opposite sex (in any way romantic, that is).

it occurs to me, again while preparing for this post, that in addition to my inability to relate romantically, my vague sense of what i look for may also be a direct result of my sorely lacking experience. in the last, roughly, two years, i’ve been interested in two girls. i just very recently decided there was no way i would have been compatible with the first and i have moderate reservations about the second (irregardless of the impossibility). and so it was then that i first starting thinking about this.

i really not sure i have the faintest fucking clue what i look for or what i want. i return to the list above, over and over, if for no other reason than i don’t know any better. and to be completely honest, i’m not sure i ever will. given my age, location, and lest we forget my total and hugely embarrassing lack of experience, it seems highly likely i will have few, if any, chances to remedy any of this before middle age sets in.

when i began writing this, two days ago, i fully intended to find an answer to the question, ‘what do i look for in a girl.’ as it turns out, however, i quite simply don’t have the tools presently to do so, beyond the questionable list presented above.

as such, i bid you goodnight.