me

its hard to sit here and write about the whole year; january 1, 2008 seems like such a long time ago and yet the time’s gone so fast. what’s more, its hard to recall much before mid-november, when my life and the lives of so many in my office were tossed up in the air.

its funny how a new year always makes us look back and reflect, reflect on the last year, and on our whole life. i may not seem it on the surface, but i’m truly sentimental. some people spend their lives looking forward; i’ve spent most of mine looking back. and so here we are at the end of yet another year and i’m forced to, yet again look back.

i have a hard time saying it was a good year, given my current circumstance and all that’s happened in the last month and a half. even knowing that, all in all, it was a pretty good year does little to affect my mood, which is dark.

in sitting for a moment and thinking, it seems to me the year can be summarized in a handful of events.

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while at work one day last week, i got a call from one of the agents in our hilo office. she was saying goodbye. i’m pretty sure i’ve mentioned it, but the department i work for is being sold to another agency. anyway, this agent had called regarding a problem she was having, but after i solved the problem, she had some very nice things to say to me.

while i don’t remember the specifics, or the exact words she used, she told me that she liked working with me. she thanked me for being so nice, patient, and helpful, which if course is always nice to hear, though i’ve heard it lots of times before (immodest? maybe.). but that’s not what i’m writing about. she went on to say that i have a way with people and that no matter how long i’m in someone’s life, i have a way of making an impression. i’m unforgettable, which is also nice to hear, but its more than that.

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another song i’ve been listening to, by lifehouse….

its funny how certain songs immediately make me think of certain people. sure, there are songs that recall memories of places, events, people, feelings, but most of the time they’re songs that reference the memory because they were playing at the time. occasionally, though, a new song, one i hear years after, can make me think of someone i rarely think about at all anymore. someone i used to care for a great deal. someone i was in love with. someone who broke my heart.

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the next time you see me, i may be a bit thinner than the last time (though its probably debatable). i had a friend the other day ask me if i’d lost weight. i probably have lost a bit, but only because i’ve more or less stopped eating. it certainly can’t be healthly, but this is what stress does to me: robs me of any appetite. i’ve basically had to force myself to eat anything for about the last week.

why, you might ask?

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