foiled again….

so, it was pointed out to me, again, this evening that i think too much.  in most situations i would agree that’s not a bad thing, but when it comes to me and my brain, often times thinking can become an issue.

maybe i should say over-thinking.  for as long as i can remember, my brain has always had a mind of its own, so to speak and over the years i’ve learned that about the only two things that will shut it off for any length of them is sleep and television… and the prior is debatable.  i think about all sorts of things, but really it can all be boiled down to two things: consequences and girls, or rather the consequences when dealing with girls.

i feel i can’t give an example, because by brain is preoccupied with the current most dilemma, but will instead try to speak in generalities (i know you’re excited) of examples past.

from the time girls became ‘interesting’ and ‘cootie-free’ i’ve worried about how to approach girls i’m interested in.  my over-active brain, oddly enough, can never think of anything to say.  in the past i’ve relied on mutual friends to bridge the gap (i call it the seveth grade syndrome), though seldom with any measure of success.

admittedly, i’ve gotten better at these things over the years, but still feel i’m quite a ways from where i should be (given my age).  the current dilemma (i’m fairly convinced it really only exists in my brain) bears this out.  even now, i am a bit fearful that i’ve said too much as it now seems entirely possible that the girl in question knows about, and has read, this blog.

in brief, when it comes to girls, i am more or less a bumbling idiot and that has changed only a bit over the years.  as a result of this lack of progress, the issue rears its head again; do i employ the counsel of mutual friends for advice and guidence (accepting whatever consequences may be associated), or do i go directly to the souce of my doubt and accept the notion that i have to shove yet another rejection (however polite) under my belt?

i haven’t a clue, but now it’s time for my to attempt to shut off my brain with sleep.  g’night.

last night i went to my first public hearing for a bill.  HB908 relates to civil unions and, if passed, would give homosexual partners the same rights as married couples in the state of hawaii.

i listened to nearly four hours of testimony before i left and the hearing continued for another hour and a half after i left.

though i didn’t give testimony myself, i went because it’s an issue that i feel very strongly about and have gay friends who have been discriminated against for too long in this state and in this country.  the overwhelming majority of those who testified last night were in favor of the bill and after listening to nearly four hours of supportive testimony, if figured it was a done deal and didn’t feel the need to stay any longer.  i was wrong.

apparently, after all the testimony was given, the chair of the judiciary committee decided to defer the vote, essentially killing the bill and along with it the hopes of so many people.  the reason he gave was that there weren’t enough votes to pass the bill out of committee.  i have sources that tell a slightly different story, though for the sake of anonymity i won’t go into the details.  let me just say that i think the chairman acted like a coward.

during the course of the hearing, i was so interested and excited to be there.  while i remain largely disillusioned about the state democracy in this country, i couldn’t help but think how great the whole thing was: people from around the community coming out to speak in support of (or opposition to) a piece of seeming controversial legislation.  on the walk back to my car i felt it had been an evening well spent and was confident the bill would pass out of committee.

as i said, my confidence was clearly premature.  i learned this morning of the unfortunate events that took place after i left and i have to say i was a bit angry.  hearing the behind-the-scene details made me even more angry.  it seems to me like such the right thing to do i can’t help but struggle to understand the other side and keep referring in my mind to the civil rights movement of the 60’s.  however angry or disappointed i might be today, i can only guess how the gay and lesbian community feels right now.

to me it’s a simple question of civil rights and honestly, i equate those people who are against civil unions (or gay marriage) to those people in the 50’s and 60’s who agreed with ‘separate but equal’ for black.  they’re people who have a narrow (and i say selfish) view of life, family, values, and equality.  they’re the people who stand in the way of the equal rights because they worry about how it will effect their own life.  it may be a strong statement, but i have no respect for that kind of person.

when i bought my cigarettes today there was a little